A Heartbeat Apart

As I sit here at the end of Father’s Day, I have a bittersweet taste in my mouth reminded of some childhood trauma that I still carry with me today.  It’s been roughly eight months since I’ve had regular interaction with my father and I can’t say that I feel too good about that.

I was reminded of the gulf between us when out of the blue, he called to speak to my daughter, who had reached out to him last week.  It felt like he was calling from 10,000 miles away, which is funny, because he actually was.  Literally he was calling from Israel, where he takes his summer vacation from his university professorship in the NY area.

Writing about the things that matter most sometimes pisses people off.  But there is no way to reach for the deeper truth, for the understanding, and yes, ultimately for the healing, if we choose to turn a blind eye to the events of our lives that have made us who we are.

I don’t need to bore you with the nasty specifics here.  Suffice it to say I am the product of a difficult and traumatic breakup that my parents went through when I was 16, and our family was ripped apart as a result.  As I sit here in the soft, sweet after glow of a Father’s Day/Graduation dinner for my honey, his children, brothers and father which we all shared at my (now our) home, I am reminded that no matter what twists and turns our lives take, no matter how far down the rabbit hole we are likely to travel, it is never too far, and more importantly, it is never too late to allow joy and love in.

So Papa, if you are reading this (since I missed your call) I wish you a very happy Father’s Day.  And even though we are 10,000 miles away, it is never too late to close that distance.  We are really only a heartbeat apart.

2 Responses to A Heartbeat Apart
  1. Jenn Deutsch
    June 19, 2011 | 7:19 pm

    Love and hugs and support as always. I admire the way you can bare your soul to promote understanding, truth and healing. I admire the courage it takes to do this. Be who you are because you are special.

    • Diva-Mama
      June 20, 2011 | 8:39 pm

      I can’t imagine any other way of being and thank you for letting me know it resonates!

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