The Pendulum Swings Again . . .

Saturday night I saw Barney’s Version with Paul Giammatti and Dustin Hoffman.  The film reminded me of the frailty and beauty of human relationships. I loved it, and recommend it highly.  I laughed.  I cried.  Naturally,  the remaining traces of my makeup melted into my empty popcorn container.   Honestly the picture could have been far less touching and I still would have given it a five-hanky rating, because after the day I had I just needed a place to safely have a good cry.

Seems like over the past few days I’ve been dangling precariously on the pendulum between forward progress and backwards motion.  Most of the time I can only hear the sound of retreat playing loudly around me, which is why the sad face.

On the one hand my daughter is actually doing a “teensy” bit better on her medication.  Teensy is in quotes because my son is found of saying the word teensy, and anything he does that is good, quotable or positive has me inclined to celebrate it.  But back to daughter, whose medicine is not allowing her to go as deep into her normally self-induced abyss of sabotage and emotional drama as she usually does.  This is a good thing.

However, my son continues to slide down the slope in the other direction. His second medication is an epic fail.  The transition, as the medication leaves his body, causes even more pronounced rages. This much fun I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  As a stop gap, his psychiatrist and I agreed that for the weekend, we would put him back on the first medication until we could reconvene on Monday.  I half-heartedly prayed the original side effect of insomnia was somehow a fluke and wouldn’t happen again.  Thank God it didn’t, and he slept through the night.

Though his “side effect” disappeared, unfortunately so did some of the medicine’s efficacy.  WHY?  What was the trigger?

I replayed the day’s sequence of events.  Boyfriend was good enough to man the parapets, so I stayed in bed until 11:30am, not knowing that instead of eating much that day my son was “stuck” playing Wii.  As we crested the hill past his usual lunchtime I knew we were in for it, and there it was – the powder keg blew up because of hunger, low blood sugar and the effect of all of it on my son’s serotonin levels.  As his tantrum and rage returned boyfriend and I had to pry little one’s hands off the stairway railing and carry this flailing, screaming child into his room so he could eventually calm down.  Exhausted, I sat down at the top of the stairs and cried – again.

No answers were revealed today. Only a sad reminder that what are supposed to be normal experiences for a child aren’t absorbed or expressed in any predictable, cogent, peaceful way by my son.  I pray one day this will all change, and the direction on the dizzying pendulum will move us to a place of peace, joy and laughter.  Until then, someone please stop the ride. I want to get off.

2 Responses to The Pendulum Swings Again . . .
  1. Jenn Deutsch
    February 14, 2011 | 8:19 pm

    All I can offer is love and hugs and support. {{Cantor Shira}} see the hugs and feel the love and support.

    • Diva-Mama
      February 15, 2011 | 8:09 pm

      Thank you Jenn. I appreciate your message. Isn’t it amazing to know women can come together to support each other with situations like these. It’s the silver lining to a troublesome storm cloud.

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