Where I Need to Be

Three times a year we ask ourselves this highly charged question and wait, expectantly, for a resounding response from the Universe.

New Years, birthdays and tax season. . . and the last two take place in the same spring month of April for me.

Even if you don’t have an Aries birthday, you may agree, these annual experiences give us pause to consider our circumstances and to evaluate ourselves against the fabric of our daily lives through a more finely tuned microscope.

Though seemingly innocent enough, there’s just one problem; worded as it is above, the question Am I Where I Need to Be, is not something we should ever ask in the first place.


Because there is a connotation of judgment and a sense of scarcity in the words themselves which can get in the way of us actually feeling good about being where we are.

Also, if you’ve been turned on, tuned in or activated by any of the great work out there by the Hicks’s, Wayne Dyer or Derek Rydall, it’s pretty clear that we must stay away from any language or thought that puts doubt out there. Why? Because energy follows thought. What we think, say, and feel actually influences what we attract in our lives.


Is a simple enough adjective when describing the desire for basic necessities: I need some new socks. I need to eat breakfast. I need to walk the dog.

However, “need” says to the Universe I don’t have something and I am scarce without it. Put out into the world a feeling of scarcity and you will receive less than what you deserve, dare and dream.

The emotional/spiritual implication of the question, Am I Where I Need To Be?
can become a clarion call pointing out all of the various unhealthy consciousness patterns that we carry.

I need to make more money.

I need to be more fulfilled.

I need a better love life.

I need to figure out what I’m doing with my life.

Here are some suggestions on how to take the urgency out of the question and to allow for a more even, in-flow response from the Universe.

1. REFRAME the question into an open, non-judgmentally tinged statement. Change: “Am I Where I Need To Be?” to “I Am Interested in Where I Am!”

2. CREATE a two-columned list: Enjoy – Evaluate. Honestly list the parts of your life experience – work, family, relationship – that you are comfortable with, that bring you joy versus the things in your life that you would like to evaluate more closely. Don’t be surprised or alarmed if some of the same elements of work, family, relationship show up as both things you love and things you wish to evaluate. That is the beauty of yin and yang; we simply sometimes need the shadow to appreciate the warm light and duality that exists in all things.

3. CONSIDER that life is about fine tuning and ACCEPT that we can give ourselves permission to seek remedy and balance for whatever stresses, influences and responses that are not feeling optimal for us at this time. REMEMBER that all things shift and the only constant in life is change. So go with the flow and be curious more than condemning of anything in your life that feels heavy. One of my favorite mottos is, “this too shall pass”.

4. CHOOSE one element on your “Enjoy” side of the list to be more grateful for, and one element from your “Evaluate” side of the list to be more grateful for as the Universe responds to gratitude in sublimely beautiful ways. The first trick to changing anything in your life is to first appreciate that all things “positive” and “negative” work symbiotically to enhance your life by serving a purpose, which is often to raise your consciousness.

5. EXPAND your way of thinking so that as you offer the more appropriate, judgment free statement: “I Am Interested in Where I Am” you start focusing on the words I AM. I AM curious and competent in how I live my life. I AM so much more than the sum of my parts and specific circumstances. I AM effective in creating change where and when I desire (n.b., not “need”).

And as my dear friend Ariane deBonvoisin, Chief Change Optimist and author of The First30Days offers – “From this change something good will come.” So if you are going to reframe, reconsider and revitalize your life remember to EMBRACE whatever answers come from deep within. If you are concerned or troubled by any insights also remember to trust your friends and family. No good change comes without at least a little moral support from your change support team.

Happy New Year, Happy Birthday and Happy Just-Finished-Tax-Season to you! I can’t wait to see where you will be next year. Because wherever that place is – it’s exactly where you need to be at that moment.

Photo credit: feminsting.com, commons.wiki

2 Responses to Where I Need to Be
  1. Marisa Caccamo
    August 8, 2014 | 5:20 am

    Hi Shira,

    I watched your show last night and I really felt
    for you when you had to go for your son’ s CSE
    mtg and everyone was suggesting meds. I agree
    with you and don’t think meds are for every kid.
    I have been taking my son to a nutritionist for
    2 years and she gave me a book called “Nutrient Power”
    By William Walsh and there us another book called ” what’s
    eating your child” by Kelly dorfman. I don’t believe that there
    is any miracle cure but I’ve noticed all these little
    Things I’ve done have helped tremendously with
    my son. I hope this helps your family I could see this
    was really affecting your daughter too. It must be really
    difficult to balance two of them. I wish you the best
    sending good thoughts and vibes to you.

    • Diva-Mama
      August 8, 2014 | 8:37 am

      I love Kelly’s book & will have to get the other one you mentioned. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts so eloquently & honestly. The Bravo show was meant to start a conversation. I’m honored to be a part of the dialogue.

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